Russian Roulette
by code03x5
Summary: There's always that little piece of your heart that never comes back... That won't let itself be given to another... That won't let you love someone fully. Yuri/Shojou-ai. Negitoro.


Will be boarderline M rating in future chapters, but will not be quite M rated. Yuri/Shojou-ai. MikuxLuka. Gets kinda depressing. Reader sanity will be compromised.

* * *

A piercing gaze burned into her head from the side. Denying the insulted person a response, Miku simply smiled, burying her head further into the cradle of her arms. It didn't really matter if they couldn't see her face. Having 'forgotten' her hair ties for the first day, her teal hair fell, tangled, over her arms. Sucking in a deep breath, the air was mucky due to the lack of ventilation. Ah well, back to adjusting her position. A slight shift in the wrong direction caused the bandages along her arms to rub painfully against the open wounds. She really sucked at fixing stuff. A sigh dropped from her lips. Reluctantly, her green-blue eyes focused on the lesson. The feeling of being glared at returned. An exasperated puff of air blew from her nose.

"Nice to meet you all. As you can see, I'm not the usual psychology teacher here. I'm your substitute until you teacher is back. I heard she got knocked up, but I'm not sure. Anyways, my name is Luka Megurine. Call me whatever, but call me a swear word, and you will not live to get your license."

Smile. Or perhaps snicker. So that was what she did as she leaned back in her chair, tucking a few strands of rich teal hair behind an ear. She had tilted back too far and fallen several times already, but still did it anyways. It didn't really matter. It never really mattered.

The pink haired teacher smiled charmingly at the class, passing around sheets to each of the painfully perfect students. Of course, she was one of them, but that didn't stop her from hating every last one. Compromising falling asleep, the girl stretched, reaching down to dig out a pencil. She found one sticking out from a pencil case. It was the usual rather bland shade of orange.

Long pink hair swished and perfect hips seemed to lean a bit extra as Ms. Megurine passes the teal haired girl slouching in her seat. Sliding a paper onto the desk drew attention towards the passing woman. A quick glance at the teacher left her incapable of looking away. Something clicked between the two of them. Cue mocking grin…add in a tundra colored eye sliding shut before opening again. An orb of ghastly blues and grays was obscured for a few rapidly accelerating heartbeats. The other one focused on a certain student, confirming a building suspicion. Both of them were inevitably drawn towards the other.

The girl smiled. _How bizarre. Monsters always have something in common._

Apparently this was going to get interesting. Without thinking, a cheshire grin snuck onto her face. If someone had looked at her now, they'd most certainly be able to see the clear insanity and desire swirling in her turquoise eyes. Thankfully, being fully equipped with a back row seat and heavy thick bangs, no one really bothered to spare her a glance… except a death glare here or there. But glares were pretty much the only looks she got, and none were directed at her now. A feral sneer was still blatantly obvious on her face as the crumbling pencil tip traced the same name she always wore. Miku Hatsune. Miku-chan. Hatsune Miku. Hatsune-san. It gets somewhat boring after you repeat it enough times. Just a little bit. But that doesn't stop her from liking it. It was a boring name.

Miku Hatsune was a masochist.

She was a hunter who played by her own rules. Tearing her own heart, and ruining carefully developed friendships that meant so much to her. Ripping her own wrists apart, and isolating herself with endless amounts of her own fears while there. Miku loved the pain from deep, scaring hates. She blindly hated rain and water, but wallowed into wild thunderstorms anyways. She loved the feeling of being loved, cared for, and yet pushed away anyone who edged closer to her.

Best of all, she constantly fell in love regardless of age or gender but never long enough to actually enjoy it.

Ms. Megurine's melodic voice rang out again. Rustling papers overlapped her alto voice, but didn't reduce the effect it had on Miku. There was already that slight twinge in her heart. It was a while since she actually had some fun… precisely 2 days, 18 hours, and 34 minutes ago. Even if apparently Rin Kagamine hated her for it (as she could tell by the constant death glares) that was the way she worked. Miku sucked in a deep breath. This teacher interested her, and age… age is just a number. Forcing their eyes to meet, both girls were frozen to their spots. The words still flowed from her mouth, but sparkling eyes were locked on Miku.

"…Fill in the questions… Just put characteristics of yourself. Then find a partner and try to figure out more about the other person using the answers from that paper. This'll allow everyone to get to know each other better."

Of course, there was the instant screeching of chairs, and a rushed (but very much not accidental) shove Miku helpfully got. The hostile blonde sitting beside her was still sore from Miku's brutal words. Grinning away, she just sat in her seat, completely ignorant of even trying to find a partner. Almost instantly, everyone had dug one out, save for Miku. Looking at the lonesome student at the back of the room, Ms. Megurine walked over. Eyes sparkled with anxiety as Miku acknowledged her presence with a slouched nod. As she spoke only to Miku, her already silky voice sounded deeper and slightly husky. There was a grin- already decided that it was reserved just for the teal haired girl- curling at the edges of her lips.

"Do you need a partner? 'Cause if you want, I'll pair up with you."

"I'd like that… Sit...?"

_Click._

_The first cartridge was empty._

Plunking down at the seat beside hers, the teacher pulled a sheet seemingly out of nowhere. On it were ten lines for ten sentences, each starting with 'I am'. A handful of heartbeats passed as the two filled out the page and exchanged. Miku could see excitement twinkling in the woman's eyes as they exchanged papers. This was her territory.

After a brief pause, which was alternated between staring at each other and reading papers, Ms. Megurine looked up. Any hint of a smile was gone from her face now.

"May I go first?" After Miku nodded her approval, she returned to grinning. Her bizarre expression was terrifying Miku in some way. "Well… To start off, you took a very short amount of time, showing that you've likely thought about this before. From that alone, I see you seem to have spare time. Where that spare time comes from: you put 'I am unpredictable', showing you likely ward off others with you constant changing. Also, judging from the slant on your writing, the uncontrolled curls, sudden spikes, and below average size, I can conclude many other things about you. Although I doubt you want to hear them. May I see what you've found?"

"Let's see… your name is Luka Megurine…?" at the teacher's laugh, she continued. "Obviously, I can't dig out the same things, but it says: 'I am teal'. Judging that that actually contracts with how you appear (both physically and mentally), you'd be a person who hides things. Now quite honestly, I'm horrible at reading between the lines, but I can look at your body movements. Through this time, your arms and legs have been loosely thrown around, but seem bizarrely controlled. You're extremely conscious of how you look, and the way your limbs are crossed in some way shows your stubbornness. Just now, you scratched your head, slightly above the ear. When hearing something you don't want to hear, a human will automatically want to cover their ears, and… I'll keep the rest to myself."

Matching up, their eyes all but glared at each other. Trying to figure out exactly what secrets laid in the depths of cool colored orbs, they appeared as though having a duel. Silently chewing on a lip, both waited for the other to start a certainly awkward conversation.

As expected, they spent the rest of the period waiting for the other students to finish. Gentle small talk was exchanged as Miku casually asked a few simple questions. Her deceiving appearance showed nothing of her analyzing ability. They were both playing at the same goal.

"So… Miss… Er... Hatsune, where did you learn body language reading?"

"No clue. But I can send you the site link. I have it on my favorites. May I have your mail, Ms. Megurine? And just call me Miku. I have a feeling you're not going to give up."

"Cellular devices are not permitted in class, Miku~ But lemme see that anyways… And I want yours too, so I know who's sending me junk. I'll delete it automatically otherwise. Feel free to call me Luka while you're there."

Calmly nodding and pretending to be exchanging mail purely for business purposes, the two handed over their cell phones. A blind man would have been able to see the losing fight Miku was having about grinning like a madman. Just as the last letter had been typed, and the flip phone had been returned, the bell rang. Eyes danced with mirth as they headed in their respective directions. A not so discreet movement slammed Miku into a locker on her way out, causing her to hiss from the metal digging into her back.

With it came a vicious whisper.

"Found another bitch to seduce?"

* * *

Exchanging mails was easy. After that came arranging some kind of meeting. Miku knew from the body language Luka was practically radiating that regardless of how weak, she'd likely accept her reason. She decided to test her limits. Such spectacular person couldn't possibly be infuriated with her to that extent. Even a player of her degree knew that. Tapping her chin a few times, Miku typed out a message.

Sent to: [Luka Megurine]  
Sent from: [Miku Hatsune]  
Subject: [Hey!]  
Body: [This is probably a little weird to ask, but are you busy right now? I'm bored to death, and feel up to learning a few new tricks. Exactly how do you figure out so much about someone only looking at their handwriting?  
Message me if you're interested in meeting up? ;)  
-Miku.]

Now comes the waiting. Surprizingly enough, her phone was buzzing with the news of a new message before long. Clicking it on, Miku only needed to glance at the message. Lacking any kind of denial, the response managed to drag a smile to Miku's face.

Sent to: [Miku Hatsune]  
Sent from: [Luka Megurine]  
Subject: [no subject]  
Body: [Greenwell Café, 20 min. from now?]

And so they were off. Meeting at the exact café, they acted almost as distant relatives- who'd dyed their hair, of course. It was quite a large café. Not really fitting in to the usual 'café theme' with its rich and deep colors, wide angles, and almost jazzy design. It looked something like a cross between a library (with couches and everything), and a club. Regardless, the pair ventured into the property, starting up small chat about the weather. There was that same spark that echoed between them, making it seem as though they were waiting for something to happen.

They made a bizarre pair. Each constantly one-upping the other, and both dangerously skilled at their specific regions of the same things. Not to mention that their appearances contracted fiercely. Miku with her bruised heart, transparent skin, seemed to be something of a ghost, akin to the malice practically curling off her skin. Then there was Luka, with her smooth and somewhat sultry demeanor, pale hair, and almost mocking atmosphere. All the more reason to clash together and enjoy it while they still could.

Idly chatting, the two curled up in a tiny corner of the café where they'd be invisible. Quite literally curled up- the soft, saggy couches not helping much. What sounded suspiciously like elevator music twanged in the background, clouded by yelling voices.

Miku ducked her knees under her chin, not particularly caring about the fluffy fabric under dusty shoes. Crossing her arm on her knees, Miku practically smushed her face into her elbows as she waited for the waiter to drop by. Her speeding train of thoughts went crashing to a stop as she felt an arm tucking around her shoulder, tipping her into a prominent bosom. Cocking an eyebrow, she turned to look at Luka, who was grinning with a hazy smile.

"You look way too beautifully adorable to not want to hug. I'm not a fool. Even a blind man could have seen through you obvious plots. Besides, I could read right through you by your paper. You like the risk, and then love the pain of being caught taking the risk. Not to mention, if you've been here before, you'd know the waiter never ventures to this half of the jungle."

Miku grinned right back. So they were getting into the more daring business, now. Uncrossing her arms, the girl snuck one onto the closest breast. That got a blush on Luka's face. She flexed the muscles in her hand as she could feel the older woman shiver against her shoulder. Looking up, she could see the fragile colored eyes swirling and dilated with an emotion she couldn't place. Perhaps something twisted between love, lust, and terror? Mouth twisting open in an almost gentle laugh, she tilted her head just barely. Suddenly, Luka's smoldering eyes were locked on her. Leaning further into her tightening touch, the older woman ducked so her lips touched the nape of Miku's neck. The excess of couples scattered around, and density of activity around them left the two unnoticed.

Noticing her legs were still tucked under her chin, Miku adjusted her position so she was directly sitting on Luka. A low chuckle hit the air.

"You're 17, right?"

"Yup. Got a problem with that? 'Cause you're 20-something, right?"

"Twenty-one. I skipped a year in school, and the economy smiled at me. Aren't you a little young to be asking this sort of thing?"

"Age is just a number."

"Jail is just a room."

"I won't scram on you."

"Is that what you think?"

"If it wasn't then why would I be in love with you?"

They both froze. Luka could feel the smaller girl tense up in her arms. Miku didn't realize she stopped breathing until Luka's arms tightened, forcing a puff of air from her lungs. Drawing a shaky breath, Miku considered what she'd done. Shit. She admitted it. Miku told Luka that she loved her. And the girl was certain this wasn't the same feeling she had with Rin and all her past lovers. Swallowing a deep breath, she tried to force her smooth façade back on. Even if Miku's right mind, told her it would go wrong no matter what she did, some tiny, submerged fraction of her insisted she could make it right. Persistently indicated that she might have a shot here- just a tiny, microscopic chance at actual love. Even so, her memories frowned at the idea. _If you trust someone, actually let someone care for you, it'll only get thrown in your face. Again. _Blinking away the thought, she succeeded in resuming her lying smile.

"Mmm? Something wrong?"

The taller woman stood up, molded curves still pressed against Miku's back. Stepping out from behind her, Luka gestured outside. The smirk was still on her face as she yanked out her keys.

"Do you have a car?" At Miku's exaggerated sigh and already pouting look, she started heading towards the door. "Care to head over to my place? I don't believe we've finished our conversation…"

What a weak excuse.

And even so it was another chance. That must have been why the teal haired girl nodded. The bizarre pair started towards the parking lot. A sleek, black, Audi R8 beeped as the teacher pressed a button. There was a definite hint of a coffee scent in the vehicle, but that didn't prevent Miku from admiring it. Being well cared for, and yet still obviously often used, it gave off a comfy sense of smoothness. Miku decided that it matched perfectly with its owner.

"Nice ride."

"Mmm. Do you think you can beat it?"

There was a definite smirk on the woman's face as Miku pretended she wasn't blushing. Despite how she constantly acted, she was quite a huge tease. Luka laughed, refocusing on the road as the flustered girl mumbled out a response.

"What did you say?"

"…I said, 'I bet you can't even beat my current ride. My nice, old, banged up blue bike.' Got a problem?"

Luka growled at the younger girl, eyes suddenly exploding with spirit.

"Is that so? Remember, you are going to _my_ house. I'm in charge."

"Until you get completely and totally dominated."

"Oho~? I didn't know you swung that way Miku. I pegged you for more of a player, maybe a bit more submissive. Didn't know you'd be a dominatrix… got a whip to go along with it?"

It was Miku's turn to growl this time. Loathing her word choice, she was millimeters from smacking the driver. A better idea popped into her head at the last second. Grinning mischievously, a hand fell lazily onto Luka's lower thigh. Still focused on avoiding crashing, Luka just frowned, mumbling a quick "what?"getting only a smirk as a response. Allowing her nails to drag along perfect skin, Miku shifted her hand higher up. The rather short and reasonably loose skirt was not helping to prevent the likely crashes anytime soon.

Sucking in a sharp breath, the pale shades of Luka's eyes darkened. A midnight blue burned at the road, frowning at the grin of the mischievous girl beside her. Glancing quickly at the road, the pink haired woman was glad to see she was but a few buildings from her apartment. Gunning it a little faster than safety suggested, she tried to get there before Miku caused a crash."What now?"

"…Oh nothing. Don't you worry your pretty little mind…"

The comment caused her eye to twitch just as she pulled into the parking lot with perfect timing as Miku's hand slipped a little further. This time, she didn't bother trying to hide the deeper breaths that bubbled from her lips. Parking in her usual spot in a single, smooth movement, she locked the gears and promptly whipped Miku's hands off her. For some reason, a grin snuck onto her face as she added a quick afterthought.

"…People throw rocks at things that shine."

Briefly, a look of confusion touched Miku's face- just for long enough for Luka to take advantage of it. The quote felt unbelievably familiar to her, and yet she couldn't place why it had meaning.

Instantly trapping the thin wrists in her own, the older woman leaned forward, closing the distance between them. Lips moving dangerously close, searing breaths merging in a long, desperate eruption, but Luka refused the girl what she wanted. Whimpering pitifully, Miku looked up with confused puppy eyes. Asking to be let go, and yet at the same time telling her not too. The older determinedly resisted those eyes, instead grinning similar to that of a predator.

"Hmm… I wonder which student said earlier than me not being able to defeat a rusted, banged up bike…? Oh wait, wasn't it my dear, sweet, Miku? Well, it's such a pity. If she doesn't believe in this poor, old teacher, I guess I won't even bother trying. After all, she probably thinks I'm not worth the time…"

Luka sighed dramatically, exhaling as much air as she could. The already huge grin on her face widened even further as the pinned down girl desperately swallowed it. With her arm pressing Miku into the seat, she continued to tease the younger one. Smile turning more sadistic, Luka watched the wide-eyed girl squirm under her. That kid was too cute for her own good- it was starting to affect her. When Miku's legs managed to wrap around her waist to drag her in closer, Luka found herself giving in. Even so, she fought the urge to kiss her senseless. Alto voice hoarse and husky, she pressed her lips to Miku's ear. The teal haired girl whimpered again, struggling against the pink haired woman. Even so, her movements felt almost deliberately weak, overflowing with nostalgia and a bizarre sense of pain. But whatever the girl was doing, she was refusing to talk. Teal eyes begged her, but not a word slid from her slightly agape mouth.

"What is it? Do you need something? All you have to do is ask. Beg. I'll do anything for you."

Yet another whimper escaped her mouth. She was desperate- out of control.

"I-I w… P-please… Unn..."

Long and ragged, a breath was choked out. With her arms still neatly pinned down, Miku was rendered completely and totally defenseless. Then again, did she really need her defenses up in front of Luka? A painful wave on nostalgia flushed clean through her system. Tears erupting from her eyes, Miku instantly saw Luka release her, scared that she'd gone too far. Something had hit a venerable point inside the teal haired girl.

_The hammer was cocked for the second time._

_But this felt different. Was this shot going to be fatal?_

Once again, Miku was pulled into a tight hug. However, this one wasn't possessive, or controlling- instead being comforting and warm. Luka's lips pressed to the curve of an ear, gently kissing it as she whispered words.

"Are you ok?"

"Y-yeah. Just remembered something I didn't want to…"

As though she was going to fall apart, Luka clutched the fragile girl tighter to herself. There were tears leaking past the cuff of her work clothes, Miku's breathing ragged and soggy. It hurt to watch. And so she prayed for the strength to get past this.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… Honest."

Icy tears were the last things Miku expected to feel falling onto the nape of her neck. Pressed to her own, Luka's chest shook slightly with her every breath. Subconsciously, lean arms managed to snake around the teacher's body, snuggling closer. Regardless of how awkward it was hugging in a small car, the pair was oddly comforted. There were rich scents swirling in her nose, a hint of crushed berries and gentle vanilla blending in a strangely calm aroma. Dim lights lining the parking space set a golden glow onto everything, tanning pale skin, albeit temporarily.

Who knows how long it was before they pulled apart. With mascara smeared everywhere, and hints of Luka's scent clinging to her body, Miku managed to tug from the embrace. The lack of makeup on the older woman's face shocked her. Teary and still slightly shaky, Luka's voice sounded out, hinting at hoarse and raspy.

"How about we head back inside now. I'll show you to my room."

Miku forced out a laugh, no matter how weak, they needed something to lighten up the mood, especially now. Lightly, her finger brushed past the smooth skin of Luka's face before sliding down to press the unlock button on the car.

"Haha, sure… I kinda wanna see how your house looks too, considering you have such a nice car."

Pretending and wearily laughing, the pair climbed out. Hopefully nobody they knew would see them, considering the messy, ruffled state of their clothes and hair. Thankfully, the majority of their trip was spent in the elevator. At some point the teal haired girl was wondering exactly how high-class this woman was. Barely after completing that thought, they reached the 15th floor- the floor, which a certain pink haired woman resided. Luka tossed a handful of keys into the air, catching them in a smooth movement and unlocking the door. Hazily, an eye winked shut, causing Miku to chuckle slightly.

"Nice one… may I come in?"

_Click._

_So the second cartridge was empty after all._

Nodding barely, the woman swept pink hair from her eyes as she pushed the door open. Miku was greeted with a smoothly designed room that seemed to fit in a bizarre way. An overwhelming thought consumed her mind.

Teal.

Entirely surrounded by shades of teal, black, and hints of green, Miku looked at the room. A handful of various posters hung from the walls, messily strewn above tidy tables, chairs and couches. Black leather sat on the couch pressed against the pale wall, wooden slates lining the floors. Glass and marble curved along all the counters and tables, turquoise scrawling across midnight colored wood. Stainless steel appliances had clearly hand painted swirls curling around them, the carefully applied colors slightly shaky and almost scared. The teal haired girl smirked-clearly a certain teacher wasn't exaggerating when she said she was best defined by the color teal. She watched as Luka plopped down on the couch, hugging a teal cushion, and gesturing for Miku to join her. Obliging, the teal haired girl relaxed in the soft fabric. Then she realized something.

"Hang on. Are you only seducing me because I'm covered with teal?"

"Uh… no? I don't know. You're cute, sexy, and altogether beautiful to me. I highly doubt it's just because you're my favorite color, but more because you're just so lovable…"

Words entirely heartfelt and genuine, Luka leaned forwards slightly. Just enough to caress alabaster skin sporting just a hint of a blush. Soft and warm, a kind smile graced her face at the slight pout of the younger girl.

"Then again, I have a feeling everyone doesn't agree with me. Especially not blondes."

"Oh- that chick? I was only having some fun… I guess she didn't appreciate it."

Suddenly, pink eyebrows fused together.

"What…?"

"What do you mean, what?"

"What did you do, what?"

Shit. Miku accidentally let that part about Rin slip. Attempting to escape from the injured gaze, she awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck, turning her gaze in the opposite direction.

"Basically, we went out. But uh… I guess I wasn't actually in love with her, so I broke up. It's not that bad is it…? I just can't seem to find someone who I can love forever."

"But…"

Gaze hooded and shadowed with triangular bangs, Luka looked down. Some indescribable tone was in her voice, lacking of emotion as it spoke. Muscles were tense, curled robotically around the pillow she was clutching.

"I'm sorry. It the way I am."

However, separate matters were on the pink haired woman's mind. Releasing the crushed pillow, Luka rolled over on the couch. Now, straddling Miku's upper thighs, she leaned in. The softening glow of the sun stretched in through the shades, setting an angelic glow upon Luka's face. When she met teal eyes, her own were desperately confused, silver-blue begging, crying in the faint glow. Her arms tucked around Miku's neck, still loose enough of an embrace so they were face to face.

"Please tell me you won't do the same with me. Please tell me you won't throw me away just like another toy when we're done. Please tell me that you won't lie…?"

Freezing, the smaller girl tensed at the weight of the surprisingly light woman draped over her. It took quite a large amount of courage to bring her to look into those eyes. Uncontrolled quantities of pain and longing almost made her hug the pink haired woman and promise on the spot. But it didn't work like that. No matter how much she struggled, that tiny, closed up, private portion of her heart refused. It wouldn't give itself up to someone else. Constantly shouting: _do whatever you want, but you won't touch me! _All she could do was given what she had of her heart to this woman.

Miku wrapped her arms around Luka, moving to the point where their noses touched, feeling each other's heat. Luka's weight pressed down on her fully as the woman collapsed into her arms, giving in to what was offered. Silver-blue eyes continuously stared at her, tears dripping onto Miku's cheeks and sliding along skin. Hints of salt appeared in eruptions of flavor.

"I-I… I don't know. I can promise I won't lie, but I can't. I don't know what I'll do. I-I… I do fall in love, but I don't know what my heart will do about it… I can't control how long I'll love you. But… but… I do l-lo…"

Pause. There was a deathly silent moment. All that was heard was a hint of a bird, singing back home. Each breath pressed them tighter together, each moment melding them a little closer. At last, Luka ended up speaking. Whispers of her breath brushed against Miku's lips, wobbling with emotions just barely contained.

"Say it. Just once. Please."

* * *

_A hand lifting, red flashing across her vision as her knees gave out. Agony. Sorrow. Numbness. It was all her fault. Cold metal pressed against her back, the spines of the doorframe digging into thin flesh. Splinters imbedded themselves in her cheek, stinging with a fresh handprint. He just wouldn't stop._

"_I thought you said you loved me! I told you to go get more- why won't you? I'll tell you- because you're useless, that's why! Get out of my sight and go get more, now!"_

_Wiping the wood in her skin away the best she could, she got up and headed towards the door. A last second rush of energy was the only thing that got her outside. At least before an empty bottle smashed against the door. The tears wouldn't even come anymore._

* * *

Every muscle in Miku's body curled in on itself. Still, Luka stayed put, determined to achieve what was rightly hers. Their tears mixed together, gasping for breaths that weren't another's. Miku was shaking, searching for an escape.

"No… I… It hurts… Don't…"

Instinct was screaming for her to cover her face, to hide from this attacker. Her cramped muscles were slowly starting to creek away from Luka's back. The girl's eyes widened, instantly tightening her already suffocating hold. Normally husky, the alto voice of Luka's was a mess, screaming behind a waterfall.

"Please, Miku! I promise I won't hurt you! Just once!"

Turquoise and blue crashed.

"I… You really promise? You really promise you'll never hurt me?"

"I'll do anything for you. Just tell me the truth. Please."

Yet another pause stretched across the air, the teal haired girl gulping.

"But what if the truth hurts you?"

Now it was Luka's turn to tense. A third pause echoed through the air, vibrating with anxiety and worry. It was at the end that the pink haired one spoke, arms having slacked around Miku, and eyes having been hooded again.

"It's ok. As long as you're safe- hopefully even happy."

Fully trembling lips forced a smile out.

_Crack. Splinter. Snap. _Miku could feel shards of her heart tearing at the smile. Nothing would obey her brain as the taller woman pulled away from their embrace. Still, she was straddling Miku's legs, almost offering a split second chance for her. Miku had never been more sure of something in her life. In a fast, smooth motion, Miku sat up.

"Sorry. I'm so, so sorry for making you cry. I'm so; so sorry for making you smile even if you don't want to. I… I just need a little time. It's… hard to figure it out. I'll text you…?"

Gathering what energy she could spare, Miku tried to stand, bringing Luka with her. However, it seemed the woman had other plans. Pushing them both back onto the couch in one teary mess, she brought them to the original position.

"No. I'll go. Just a little walk won't hurt. Don't run away…?"

Unspoken, but still lingering at the tip of her tongue, Miku was certain there was a 'this time' stuck to the end of that sentence.

"Sure. I'll be here to welcome you home when you return."

Creamy, pale skin brushed together. Miku's hand cupped Luka's cheek before dragging down to reach her neck. Kindred spirits could feel each other's scars. Luka lifted her face from their embrace. There was a smile, as genuine as she could make it on her face.

"Well. I'll be off. Give me an hour or so. Oh… and..."

Just before she moved off the teal haired girl altogether, Luka lunged forward. Even if only for a single, tantalizing second, their lips connected. It felt like drowning in shallow dreams. It felt like slipping from the loose grips of the skies. It felt like erupting into the atmosphere, a moment of bliss before reality crashed down on you, and you crashed down on the ground. So Miku took this chance just for now.

And then she was gone.

Vaporous as the mist, Luka was off into the setting sun before Miku's eyes had opened. Nearly instantly, those exact eyes filled with tears. Her heart ached, burning with an emotion she'd always doubted she was able to feel. Automatically, a hand lifted to rest in the center of her chest.

"Oh god."

Weeks of care and delicate precision spent on her nails seemed worthless now. It all seemed like a useless attempt to mimic being normal, being pure and unscarred. She wanted to rip out her heart. She wanted to collapse into those warm arms and bathe in that soothing scent. She wanted to have the ability to move on, the ability to cry and get it over with.

She wanted so much to be able to love Luka.

But it couldn't happen, could it? Everything trembled violently at the thought of risking everything again, of allowing her head to place second. Perhaps even of remembering what she was like…

Feeling like who she wished she were.

* * *

Throbbing in the far distance, the sun's last whispers were toucing the darkening sky.

But Luka didn't want that. Luka wished it would snow. Luka wished she could walk knee deep in snow and think aloud to herself. She wished that damping sky would fill up with beautiful, crystals of ice and water that shimmered when they collapsed. That way, nobody would think twice about the transparent, salty drops on her cheeks.

Instead, she got leaves. September was quite the joker.

"Wasn't a sigh a salty, yellow triangle? And a kiss a creamy, blue circle?"

Melodic notes of laughter danced about the air as tears poured in buckets. Slender legs hung over the lower edge of the bridge, swinging over the long fall to the bottom. Her fingers locked to the wire meshing of the fence between the bars put there to prevent jumpers. To think she was so close to freedom- even if only seconds of it- but blocked by such a simple thing, was scary. Wind gusting through long, pink hair, Luka clutched to the net of the fence as though for life. It was all so scary, all so new.

And the words burst into her mind. Her voice hurt with a raw determination.

"God dammit! I miss you mom…! I love you Miku…! I don't care if you're a fucking whore, I still love you…"

* * *

A/N: Ooooh~ *shot* Sorry... But anyways! Holy. Shoot. It's done... I thought since forever that I would never get it finished... But here it is :D

I have no clue what to say...

I'll start off with the leagal stuff and credits. Thank you to Black Shooter Neko (who I met as Gazelle Hatsune on DeviantART- check out her stuff, it's AMAZING!) for editing and correcting out my grammer, spelling, etc. I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing I had a spelling error in a story...  
Also, I OWN NOTHING (but my dreams... yeah right- I don't even own those).

As for all my other stories, I am very sad to say that they are all on the back-burner. I can't seem to dig up the time for anything these days (man, I sure hope graduation knows how much I hate it. Right up there with peeling soap). Telling you won't make a difference, but I want you to know why I seem to have disappeared off the surface of the earth recently.  
**And then there's reviews. Let me say right now that I will actually be replying to them properly. Thank Madrox23 for informing me of a rather usefull little button in the emails. ^^"

Thank you so much for reading, and please leave a review! :D


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